Can Beauty Save the World? | My Journey Back From Burnout

This post was written during our journey as COBALT, before our transformation into Luna e Stelle.

"I always forget how important the empty days are, how important it may be sometimes not to expect to produce anything, even a few lines in a journal. A day when one has not pushed oneself to the limit seems a damaged, damaging day, a sinful day. Not so! The most valuable thing one can do for the psyche, occasionally, is to let it rest, wander, live in the changing light of a room."
~ May Sarton

Join me on my journey back from creative burnout as I work to redefine sustainable fashion through COBALT Alchemy and Atelier, focusing on the transformation of upcycled garments and artisanal craftsmanship.

Burnout: Creative Exhaustion

When I posted the image above to social media in August 2022, I had no idea that it would be a year and a half later before I would be reappearing in the world on behalf of COBALT. My last post, a quote from May Sarton accompanied by this picture of a beautiful empty room, was about the importance of allowing the psyche to rest and rejuvenate, how not every day should be full of work, regardless of what society teaches us.

I was deep in creative burnout when I posted this. I had been for a few months, but was pushing my way through it, doing the best I could to stay busy and productive, and continue working to move my clothing brand forward.

Overwhelmed by the demands of being a solopreneur in the sustainable fashion industry, I lacked clarity in my vision for COBALT. I struggled to balance all the aspects of what I wanted to create, who I wanted to serve, and how best to reach my audience, both online and in person. I found it difficult to fully express and dedicate myself to my artistic passions. And, I found myself deep in old patterns of self-judgment for stepping back from my previous nonprofit organization and work as a spiritual teacher, feeling I was no longer aligned with those paths from which I had drawn a strong sense of purpose and meaning in my life.

Trip Through the Underworld: Gestation/Reflection

During the year and a half when I couldn't create or do anything and had to step away from COBALT, I spent a lot of time doing inner work and questioning everything I thought about, well... everything.

I reflected deeply on why fashion and why art, especially in today's world. With rampant wars, the rise of destructive right-wing agendas globally, and worsening climate change with no answer in sight, I questioned the role of beauty and creativity in my life and the world. I questioned whether or not I could find enough purpose and meaning within it.

I began working on other creative projects that had nothing to do with clothing to try to satisfy my urge to create while generating income, but they felt empty over time. They didn't provide the excitement or magic that I felt through allowing myself to be free with creating works of wearable art from fabric and thread.

The Tide Returns: Slowly Rekindling Creative Passion

At the beginning of this year, I noticed a slow but steady return of my urge to work on clothing. Like a tide very slowly coming in, bit by bit, ideas began to flow again, and I started jotting down notes. It felt delicious.

The slow resurgence of my creative energy for COBALT filled me with both excitement and anxiety for fear of losing it again. I had to think about what I wanted my life and future to look like. For almost 20 years, I lived as a nomadic hermit in a car, a van, and then a bus, staying mainly in deserts and forests, and planning to sail around the world one day. I've even been working on a new van/tinyhouse to go traveling in Europe with in the near future. I had to decide if I was ready to fully commit to my new vision for COBALT and my life, which would demand daily dedication and a significant life and career commitment, at 62 years old.

I was reminded of the quote “Beauty will save the world” by Dostoevsky, that I have contemplated often during my inner battle between the artist and the activist/teacher over the years. The belief that beauty has the power to inspire, elevate, and bring about deep transformation and a healing sense of redemption in both people and society, profoundly resonated with me.

I took time to really hone and better define my vision for what I would want COBALT to be in my wildest dreams, what I want to create for the world, and how I want to participate in and communicate with the world at this point in my life.

Rebirth: Committing to Sustainable and Artisanal Fashion

I made a conscious decision to return to COBALT and the world, committed to upholding the highest artistic, artisanal, sustainable, and conscious standards I can. And, being the neurodivergent perfectionist I am, you can believe I am doing every aspect of it to the best of my abilities.

Once I made this decision, the floodgates of creativity and divine inspiration opened, and they began to flow freely again. I began dreaming of new clothing designs and techniques, and feeling a sense of purpose and meaning that I hadn’t felt since my nonprofit and spiritual teaching work.

I began sourcing and accumulating again more carefully curated thrift and vintage clothing, antique textiles, and deadstock luxury fabrics. Absolutely yummy and gorgeous pieces I'm thrilled to work with!

I assessed my strengths and weaknesses as both an artist and entrepreneur. I put systems in place to leverage my strengths and address my weaknesses through mentorship, education, a structured morning schedule, exercise, and twice-daily meditation.

The reorganization of my sewing room came next, and I expanded into a second room in my house for an office, product inventory, and packing and shipping room. I purchased two professional dress forms, and several other sewing and design tools that I needed. And, I started work on a couple of beautiful garments for a friend/client that had been asking for them for a while, a cool hand-dyed tuxedo shirt with gauntlet cuffs, and a recreation of a Victorian coat as an exquisite coat/dress. I'll be posting about them very soon.

I'm very happy to be back!

The Future of COBALT: The Birth of Alchemy and Atelier

In order to fulfill my vision and all my creative desires, I'm rebirthing COBALT into two lines: Alchemy | The Magic of Transformation and Atelier | The Art of Craftsmanship. COBALT Alchemy transforms upcycled garments through hand-dyeing and reconstruction, while COBALT Atelier focuses on demi couture and bespoke fashion from antique textiles and deadstock luxury fabrics, creating true sustainable fashion treasures.

Can beauty save the world? I don't know, but it is saving my heart and soul. 💙

I invite you to succumb to the mystery, and join me on this journey as we explore the transformative power of beauty and sustainable fashion.

With every thread sewn,
Blue COBALT, Founder and Designer